Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have
your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number
first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......
889861356102049998-45-54610 "
Operator: "OK... you' re... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir? "
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir "
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza... "
Operator: "That' s not a good idea Sir"
Customer: " How come?"
Operator: " According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it "
Customer: "How do you know for sure? "
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir "
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost? "
Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99 "
Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card? "
Operator: "I 'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank
$3, 720.55 since October last year. That 's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you 've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas; I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway? "
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can 't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: "What!
Operator: "According to the details in system, you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised? "
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you 're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language
on a policeman...? "
Customer: [Faints]
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Increase your Bandwidth by 20%
Increase your Bandwidth by 20%
Windows uses 20% of your bandwidth! Get it back
A nice little tweak for XP. M*crosoft reserve 20% of your available bandwidth for their own purposes (suspect for updates and interrogating your machine etc..)
Here's how to get it back:
Click Start-->Run-->type "gpedit.msc" without the "
This opens the group policy editor. Then go to:
Local Computer Policy-->Computer Configuration-->Administrative Templates-->Network-->QOS Packet Scheduler-->Limit Reservable Bandwidth
Double click on Limit Reservable bandwidth. It will say it is not configured, but the truth is under the 'Explain' tab :
"By default, the Packet Scheduler limits the system to 20 percent of the bandwidth of a connection, but you can use this setting to override the default."
So the trick is to ENABLE reservable bandwidth, then set it to ZERO. This will allow the system to reserve nothing, rather than the default 20%.
__________________
Windows uses 20% of your bandwidth! Get it back
A nice little tweak for XP. M*crosoft reserve 20% of your available bandwidth for their own purposes (suspect for updates and interrogating your machine etc..)
Here's how to get it back:
Click Start-->Run-->type "gpedit.msc" without the "
This opens the group policy editor. Then go to:
Local Computer Policy-->Computer Configuration-->Administrative Templates-->Network-->QOS Packet Scheduler-->Limit Reservable Bandwidth
Double click on Limit Reservable bandwidth. It will say it is not configured, but the truth is under the 'Explain' tab :
"By default, the Packet Scheduler limits the system to 20 percent of the bandwidth of a connection, but you can use this setting to override the default."
So the trick is to ENABLE reservable bandwidth, then set it to ZERO. This will allow the system to reserve nothing, rather than the default 20%.
__________________
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Speed up your internet by changing your dns
DNS servers live on the Internet, and your computer contacts them with the request to do that translation, which is commonly called name resolution. When you use an ISP, your
computer will automatically use the default DNS servers specified by your ISP; you typically don't need to set up DNS in any way. If you're on a corporate network, your
systems administrator may have set you up to use specific DNS servers.
If there's a delay in contacting the DNS server, or if the DNS server takes too much time resolving the address, you'll face a delay in getting to a Web site. So even if
you've got the world's fattest pipe, your Web surfing will be slowed down.
If you could speed up the name resolution in some way, you'd be able to speed up your Web surfing. And that's exactly what I'll show you how to do.
--=[Speed up Web browsing with OpenDNS
Here's the simplest way to hack DNS to speed up your Web browsing: Use free, superfast DNS servers run by the OpenDNS service instead of your ISP's DNS servers. OpenDNS
has a monstrously big DNS cache, with DNS servers around the world, so you'll be able to retrieve IP addresses from it more quickly than from your ISP's DNS servers.
The addresses of the OpenDNS servers are 208.67.222.222 for a primary DNS server and 208.67.220.220 for a secondary server.
To use the OpenDNS servers, you'll have to tell your computer to use them. If you have Windows XP, first select Control Panel --> Network and Internet Connections -->
Network Connections, right-click your network connection from the Network Connections window, and select Properties. A dialog box like that shown below appears.
Scroll down to the Internet Protocol (TCP/IP) listing and select Properties. At the bottom of the screen, select "Use the following DNS server addresses." For the
Preferred DNS server, enter this address: 208.67.222.222. For the Alternative DNS server, enter this address: 208.67.220.220. Click OK, and then click Close and Close again.
Restart your PC in order for the settings to take effect. The figure below shows the screen filled out properly.
If you're using Windows Vista, select Control Panel --> Network and Internet --> Network and Sharing Center. Click the View Status link on the right side of the screen.
bye
computer will automatically use the default DNS servers specified by your ISP; you typically don't need to set up DNS in any way. If you're on a corporate network, your
systems administrator may have set you up to use specific DNS servers.
If there's a delay in contacting the DNS server, or if the DNS server takes too much time resolving the address, you'll face a delay in getting to a Web site. So even if
you've got the world's fattest pipe, your Web surfing will be slowed down.
If you could speed up the name resolution in some way, you'd be able to speed up your Web surfing. And that's exactly what I'll show you how to do.
--=[Speed up Web browsing with OpenDNS
Here's the simplest way to hack DNS to speed up your Web browsing: Use free, superfast DNS servers run by the OpenDNS service instead of your ISP's DNS servers. OpenDNS
has a monstrously big DNS cache, with DNS servers around the world, so you'll be able to retrieve IP addresses from it more quickly than from your ISP's DNS servers.
The addresses of the OpenDNS servers are 208.67.222.222 for a primary DNS server and 208.67.220.220 for a secondary server.
To use the OpenDNS servers, you'll have to tell your computer to use them. If you have Windows XP, first select Control Panel --> Network and Internet Connections -->
Network Connections, right-click your network connection from the Network Connections window, and select Properties. A dialog box like that shown below appears.
Scroll down to the Internet Protocol (TCP/IP) listing and select Properties. At the bottom of the screen, select "Use the following DNS server addresses." For the
Preferred DNS server, enter this address: 208.67.222.222. For the Alternative DNS server, enter this address: 208.67.220.220. Click OK, and then click Close and Close again.
Restart your PC in order for the settings to take effect. The figure below shows the screen filled out properly.
If you're using Windows Vista, select Control Panel --> Network and Internet --> Network and Sharing Center. Click the View Status link on the right side of the screen.
bye
Blogged with Flock
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
funny-TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA
1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE
CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE
CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Microsoft windows magic tricks
MAGIC #1
Nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the computer which can be named as "CON".
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW, IT WILL NOT CREATE "CON" FOLDER
MAGIC #2
This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!
Try it out yourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
and then press ENTER
MAGIC #3
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1. Open an empty notepad file
2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3. Save it as whatever you want.
4. Close it, and re-open it.
is it just a really weird bug?
You can try the same thing above with another sentence "this app can break"
Explanation for Magic #1:
In windows the folder name and the special system variables share the same interface, so when you create a folder with a system variable name it will consider that folder already exist!!
these special system variables are available irrespective of path
You cannot create a folder with these names also:
CON, NUL, COM1, COM2, COM3, LPT1, LPT2, LPT3,COM1 to COM9 and LPT1 to LPT9....
CON means console, COM1 means serial port 1, LPT1 means parallel port 1
Nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the computer which can be named as "CON".
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW, IT WILL NOT CREATE "CON" FOLDER
MAGIC #2
This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!
Try it out yourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
and then press ENTER
MAGIC #3
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1. Open an empty notepad file
2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3. Save it as whatever you want.
4. Close it, and re-open it.
is it just a really weird bug?
You can try the same thing above with another sentence "this app can break"
Explanation for Magic #1:
In windows the folder name and the special system variables share the same interface, so when you create a folder with a system variable name it will consider that folder already exist!!
these special system variables are available irrespective of path
You cannot create a folder with these names also:
CON, NUL, COM1, COM2, COM3, LPT1, LPT2, LPT3,COM1 to COM9 and LPT1 to LPT9....
CON means console, COM1 means serial port 1, LPT1 means parallel port 1
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